Lily
by Rainaling
Summary: Lilies. Lilies, lilies, everywhere, like butterflies landing onto flowers. Blooming, full of life, just like the she Professor Snape holds in his heart. Oneshot.


A/N: Hope you enjoy this filled-with-angst fic!

I love Snape. He could Expelliarmus me and I would still thank him.

~ Raina ﾐ(o*･ω･)ﾉ

P.S., This cat thing now represents me.

——— 

It's a chilly night, but that didn't stop Severus from getting out and taking a walk. He needed to clear his head. Stress could do some pretty bad things some times…

"Lumos." Severus lit his wand, making his way down the staircase. Almost all students were in the common room: nobody was there to stop him, judge him, stare at him, whisper at him, laugh at him.

Good.

As he passed through the hallways, memories washed over him, making every step more and more throbbing and painful, as if the suffering he felt everyday wasn't enough just yet. He clenched his fist firmly against his wand.

Control...

Despite how big Hogwarts is, the potions master made it to the courtyard in no time. He relaxed a little, exhaling another worthless day with a long, serene sigh.

"Nox." He wanted to enjoy the darkness, where no one could see the pain etched on his face, making him look way older than he actually is. Severus looked up at the moon, as his sore heart started to crumble. Lily's flaming red hair again filled his thoughts, making him remember a night just like this, but with her at his side…

"Severus, look! The moon, it's so big…" Lily laughed brightly, the shimmering moon reflecting on her beautiful, flashing green eyes. It was their first year at Hogwarts. The two young wizards couldn't sleep, and sneaked out onto the fields to watch the full moon.

Severus didn't answer. He just blushed, staring at Lily's eyes, his own dark, grey ones big with awe and amazement. Lily turned at him, and giggled. "Sev, stop staring at me like that! Look at the moon, it's more beautiful than me, isn't it??" She bursted into laughter.

The boy's face turned as red as Lily's hair. "Y-yeah," he stammered randomly, and moved his eyes on the full moon, shining beyond the horizon, lightening up the Slytherin wizard, young, yet so in love.

Lily sighed like a little kitten, sitting down on the thick grass. "I miss home." She mumbled, "But honestly, Hogwarts is so cool. Professor Sloghorn could be so funny some times…" she snickered. "What about you, Sev? Do you miss your home?"

Severus grimaced, sitting down next to her. "No. No, no, not at all. I don't exactly want to be here, actually, either." He rolled his eyes in the darkness, hatred sparkling in his eyes.

Lily put her hand on his, who blushed deeply. "Sev," She said solemnly, looking into his eyes, "James, he's a complete idiot. Just ignore him."

Severus sighed. "Yeah, I wish I could."

Lily pulled her hand away, as if thinking about something. She looked behind her worriedly. "We should go," She said anxiously, "It's late."

"But we just-"

"C'mon, let's go already," Lily said, already running away, "Hurry!"

Twenty years later, Severus looked down, tears blurring his view. A few days later, James and his "buddies" heard about that night, and bullied them harder than ever, saying they were on a date, doing what they were not supposed to. Severus had endured that, and finally they got tired and started picking on his appearances. He had endured that, too. But they never stopped bullying him. And the day Lily had stopped helping him….

A single tear escaped his eyes, but the professor firmly wiped it away. He walked a few steps forward, stopping at a bed of flowers.

Lilies.

Severus bared his teeth in frustration. "Lily…" He whispered under his breath, "I…"

Tears came streaming down his face, and he wiped them away for the second time. Closing his eyes, he raised his wand.

"Expecto Patronum."

A silver doe broke through the tip of his wand, lightening up the surroundings. She circled around the courtyard, and then stopped in front of Severus.

Shakily, he reached out a hand, feeling the warmth of the Patronus. It reminded him of Lily, her warm laugh, her warm words, her warm eyes…

"Professor?"

Severus immediately ran his wand across the doe, making it disappear into ashes, and turned sharply. "Yes?" He said, voice still bitter and shaking.

It was a Potter, with his stupid green eyes. As everyday, the moment those eyes met his, Severus's heart felt like it's on fire, slowly melting him with painful memories. He looked away.

"Yes, Potter?" He clenched his teeth, speaking quietly, yet threatening. The Boy Who Lived, who looked exactly like his rude, undisciplined father, the one who broke his heart way too many times. He clenched his fists under his cloak.

Potter stared at him like an idiot he already is.

From afar, an owl hooted, reminding Severus of how late it is. Albus's words again hit him like a wave of sharp knifes: Keep him safe.

Hogwarts is not a safe place. Especially not at night.

"Go back to your dormitory, Potter. Now!" He hissed, and the boy darted off, looking back at him with widened eyes. When he was finally out of sight, Severus stood there, still, like a statue, mixed with hatred and love, stuck in his own feelings, like a little kid.

After what seemed like centuries, he turned his back with a floosh, and walked back to his office, his face as hard as ice.

———

A/N: Ah, the angst, the angst.

_Please don't kill me, _I'm sorry (not really)

Now have a nice day, reviewer.

~ ﾐ(o*･ω･)ﾉ


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